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33 Months vs. 10 Years: Ziggy

The other day–Monday, I believe–September 7th–marked 33 months since losing Ziggy.

At the same time…it marked 10 years since he was brought into my life.

I’ve posted before–"Happy Birthday" posts, observing his birthday as the day Dad adopted him.

As well as others since losing him almost 3 years ago.

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I’ve marked the passage of time. For the first year after losing him, each week I posted photos of Ziggy to my personal facebook profile.

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From the first year, I backed off to monthly…and many of the photos have become "repeats" and favorites for me, reposting different ones different weeks…overall, and assemblage of memories of this special cat.

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It’s not that I want to celebrate the loss…I don’t "celebrate" his death. But on the anniversaries of the loss, to visibly, beyond myself, remember Ziggy. Celebrate Ziggy. That he lived. That he was such a part of my life.

And I wonder, perhaps, at future guilt…I know a day will come when I’ll lose Chloe. Sarah. Even a parent. And I don’t know that I’ll process the same way. It won’t be something to TRULY be able to "compare" or such.

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Over the last few months, I’ve had what I’m considering "anxiety episodes" or "anxiety flare-ups" just considering mortality, recognizing mortality.

Of my cats.

My parents.

Friends.

Myself.

Though I didn’t know him well, Reggie’s death earlier this year hurt more than I may have expected. Seeing others hurting in the loss also hit me hard.

Losing a family friend a few weeks ago–and the zero "closure" I’ve had on that, while seeing others hurt as well–has hurt.

Being grateful and thankful to still have both my parents is certainly a blessing, but as I see friends and people I know losing parents, it drives home all the more what I will inevitably one day face.

And maybe that’s part of what’s hit so hard in losing Ziggy, in the way I’ve had to process.

I’d had 9 years (of 13 1/2) without Christy in my everyday life when we lost her. Nearly 11 (of 18 1/2).

But Ziggy was a DAILY part of my life from mid-July 2016 until early December 2017; and part of my coping with the loss of a job, a move, health stuff with Dad, and so on.

While no longer with me in-person, Ziggy has impacted a quarter of my life so far.

And in facing other depressions and distractions, it was a punch in the gut this afternoon when I "realized" I’d missed his birthday this year.

So here I am.

Whatever this post is.

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